A Sad Message

For Gerrard, growing up in the home of loving parents in the bosom of the Bible Belt seemed secure and safe, until puberty kicked in. Then he knew something was horribly "wrong" with him. Identifying as a Christian, he wrestled with who he was for years, until finally being traumatically outed when he was in college. This is the story of what happened primarily after that event.

Gerrard can write. There were many times I marveled at the turn of phrase he can produce. However, sometimes less is more--the guy could pen a page about the inside of a lampshade and sometimes his descriptions feel a bit like that. That wasn't the bad part, although editing might have been helpful there. Do you know anyone who, during a conversation, starts a topical thread, midway through is distracted by some other topic, follows that for a while, then leaves that, to continue in this vein until you think your head might explode from the effort to remember all of the dangling strings? Well, I do, and reading Gerrard's book is kind of like that. Apparently all of the wandering affects him sometimes too, because (here's a non-spoiler example) when he talked about his trip to the Peabody Hotel with his mom, he cited the famous ducks that spend their time either in the lobby fountain or on the roof. He noted that they must be on the roof, because they weren't in the fountain. Yet, a few pages (and many topics) later, the ducks were mysteriously marching back to the roof, dripping water all the way.

I want to be clear that I think his story is pertinent, tragic, and so important. I believe that he is a kind and classy person who takes the high road. I'm sad that this experience has given him the feeling that he's distanced from God, and that is most certainly not his doing. Shame on the "ex-gay" ranks for damaging so many people who were never broken in the first place, and good for Gerrard for putting this down on paper. However, I think this could have been split into two books, and it would have been lots less rambly. I found myself having to double back so many times to remember where we were or what stage of this process we were in. I hope Gerrard finds his peace someday. But for me, one acquaintance with a flight-of-ideas conversational style is enough.