Bumbling Title, Bumbling Book

Oh . . . My . . . Gosh. You know, I was totally the obvious choice for squad leader, because, I like totally have the most dance experience, and everybody says I'm the best dancer, and like, look really good in my outfits. I mean, like, I keep myself in shape, and everybody says that. So, in fourth grade I did a solo in the school play and got, like, a lot of applause and almost a standing ovation. Okay, it was my family who stood up, but there were a lot of them there. So it was pretty much a lot of the room. Anyways, it's so obvious that I should have been the one picked. But, after the new coach came in (the last one was SO STUPID!) she totally told me (in private) that I was for sure the best, but she ended up picking Monica and I ended up not being on the squad at all. But all the other girls told me Monica wouldn't last, and maybe I should volunteer to be the equipment manager? But I said, no, only squad leader, or okay, maybe junior leader. So then I saw the coach at Jamba Juice and she totally said she liked the way I danced and soon I'll be in there. So pretty much I'm totally gonna be squad leader. It's so obvious because I'm the best. So then Divon told me that the coach said Monica wouldn't be there much longer and so I asked all my friends what they thought and they said the same thing. When my phone rang, I thought, "OMG, this is her!" but it turned out to be Jenny saying that Monica was talking about me behind my back. What a B$#%H! Why would she do that to me? So anyways, the coach finally asked me to be junior leader which is actually the hardest job of all and everybody knows it. And what I wanted all along. I was so emotional when everybody in my contact list congratulated me and told me I was gonna do a way better job than Melissa which meant a lot to me. Okay, I texted them all first to let them know Melissa was kicked out and I was in, but still their support means a lot and that I'm the right person for the job and should have had it all along. We'll have to see how that B*%$H Monica will be since now she's saying I wanted her job but I totally didn't and never said that I wanted it. Everybody knows I'm a better dancer and they all say so. Plus, I always wanted the junior leader job and I always said that.

That's a fair approximation of the first chapter. Substitute political characters and places--he was clearly taking notes every second of every day--and you get the drift. Here's the bottom line:

1. John Bolton is an amazing genius who aurifies everything he touches.

2. Everybody knows he's the most amazing person ever.

3. Obama is an idiot.

4. Everything Obama did was stupid.

5. Democrats are stupid, unless they subscribe to #2, above, which, of course, some do, because he's so amazing.

6. Trump took around 1 1/2 years to appoint Bolton to a government job.

7. In the meantime, Bolton lurked around the White House, scrounging for compliments.

Chapter Two:

Have you ever been the victim of a rambling story, say, involving a trip to the grocery store, the wonky wheel on the cart, the people tasting the produce, the price of bleach and the sassiness of the clerk, only to find out that the punchline was that someone was driving badly in the parking lot? Why say in 500 words what you can say in 3000? This also seems to be Bolton's m.o. Here's the summary:

1. John Bolton is still an amazing genius, smarter than anyone else, ever.

2. Mattis is an idiot.

3. The UN is stupid.

4. Bolton is discovering that Trump is unfocused.

Chapter Three:

Blah, blah, blah, ME, blah, blah, blah, ME, blah blah, Iran Deal, blah, blah blah, I got a standing ovation. Here's the gist:

1. John Bolton is STILL an Einstein without whom the Western World would collapse.

2. The powers that be in France, England and Germany all agree with #1.

3. Nikki Haley is an idiot.

4. Mike Pompeo can't make a move without a lingering hug or word of affirmation from Bolton.

5. Bolton knows a lot of words (and loves to bandy them about) but hasn't grasped proper usage of reflexive pronouns.

6. Bolton is discovering that Trump has some issues.

Chapter Four (Not sure how long I can hold on, folks):

I can't do it anymore. I just can't. I tried, and it's just too hard. I'm sorry, but I'd rather scrub toilets. Let's see if I can provide a synopsis of this chapter.

1. John Bolton is also imperative to the proper functioning of Japan. Plus, smarter than everyone else, etc.

2. Obama is an idiot.

3. Europe only claims to care about the environment.

4. Trump passed out mints at a meeting. Yes, that was in there.

5. Although Bolton postures as though he would tell it like it is to KJU, when his turn comes, he bootlicks, then congratulates himself on his clever bootlicking.

6. Bolton loves it when Trump compliments him in front of people.

7. Bolton is beginning to understand that Trump is difficult and makes bad choices.

So here's MY concensus of the book, based on what I was able to read.

1. Trump has put everybody except the local WalMart greeter in a White House position. That it took him 18 months to bring Bolton aboard, despite all his hinting around, says a LOT.

2. One of the main sources of hot air on this planet has to be Bolton. That man is a complete blowhard.

3. If Bolton is so smart, why did he have to work with Trump to know what an idiot he is? If he hadn't figured it out prior to 45 "winning" the election, you'd think at some point during the ensuing 18 months he would have had an inkling. The rest of us sure did.

4. I've read lots of political books recently which parse the current administration. Both main political parties have been represented by the authors. In all these other books, former presidents are assessed on their strengths and weaknesses, and contrasted with the current POTUS. This is the only book which seems to give a sweeping condemnation of all things touched by the Democratic party. I am inclined to discount most of what anyone says when they have this one-sided mind set. Although he may have some salient points, he lost his credibility because he is so assured of his superiority that he has no room for learning, or even the graciousness of objectivity. He already knows everything. Which sounds a lot like Trump.

Sorry, John. Not impressed. You do take thorough notes, though. One ho for that.