Being Depressing

I know most people will disagree with me here. But I did not like this book, Being Mortal. The first part should be subtitled: Being Judgmental. Because the author most definitely is. He regales us about his grandfather's glorious life in India up to the truly impressive age of 110, revered by the family, contributing wisdom regarding business decisions and riding around on his horse pretty much right up to the end, and surrounded by supportive and loving kin, as one's parents should be. Or at least that's the way it read to me. Over and over. Let's keep in mind, though, that Dr. Gawande, the author, grew up in freaking Ohio. That's pretty far from an aging grandpa back in the homeland who is probably incontinent at times, forgetting to turn off the stove, and likely wandering the house at night. I'd love to get the report from the folks who were actually shouldering that load. Then we move on to the next recommended subtitle: Being Dismal. You thought you were pretty healthy? Um, no! You are dying as you read, and have, in fact, been doing so since your 30s or so. Every system is described in gruesome detail about how it starts to fail before you're probably even done having children. Then, you think, "Well, that's okay. There are lots of great options for aging people nowadays compared to years ago." Ha. That's what you think. You might as well be in prison they way they treat people in elder care facilities, and in fact, you'll decline faster by being there. Every. Dang. Page. So. Bleak. I received this book as a gift, so I read it from cover to cover, but honestly could read no more than a page or two at a time for the first 65% or so, and it made me longingly consider signing up for euthanasia. I'll save you the pain and give you the bottom line:

•  If [your loved ones] need to go to any kind of assisted living, independence, privacy and autonomy seem to make all the difference in happiness, and despite family’s and health officials’ fears about safety, they tend to live longer, even without being hovered over.

• Talk to your peeps about their wishes in case they have a serious illness—what’s important to them, what would make their life worth living.

Dr. Gawande could have made his point in an online article (1/2 page of an old-fashioned magazine) with bullet points and skipped the suicide-inducing initial 150 pages. If he’d done that, though, he wouldn’t have achieved what apparently makes his life worth living—making a whopping pile of $. Those two bullet points are valid and valuable, but the rest is horrible.

Sisters a World Apart

Adoption takes many forms, and is done for many reasons. This true story of three adopted girls describes the many ways in which culture, family dynamics, privelege, greed and love can all play roles in why we do what we do and make the decisions we make. Two girls from an orphanage in Viet Nam are adopted by an affluent U.S. family and are given all one would expect to have in that situation, including older sisters born to the adoptive parents--a ready-made, flag-waving American family. In the meantime, one of the adoptees' identical twin sister was being raised by blood relatives back in Viet Nam. This girl had a very different upbringing with few creature comforts but abundant love and a feeling of belonging. Which was better? The answer isn't as simple as it may seem. The story traces the process of all the adoptions, why the twins' birth mom surrendered them as she did, and the subsequent journey of their gradual paths back to each other. Interesting and thought-provoking.

Taking the Hood Off

The author who gave us Slaves in the Family now turns his attention to his family's "klan" history. Although white supremecist groups went by other names then and now, I think we all associate "KKK" with the hate groups associated with lynchings, burning crosses, and their dress-up clothes, the iconic and cowardly white hood. The author estimates that eighty million of us living here in the U.S. have at least one ancestor in the Klan, and my great grandfather's membership in that dubious organization definitely puts me in that camp. I understand Mr. Ball's need to plumb that family tree and explore what would make his ancestor feel such hatred for a whole group of people. And although they wore the hoods, and did atrocious things by twisting logic and faith around to the breaking point, has anything really changed? Or are they just not wearing costumes anymore?